Oct 24 2008
The Vaguest Ghost Story in the World
Some mornings Tanya and I get ourselves out of bed extra early to get in some bike riding before work. We have a set 11 mile loop we do and almost every time we do it we joke about riding past what we refer to as the “haunted field.” Basically along our route there’s a certain field we pass by that always happens to be about 15 degrees cooler than everywhere else. I’ve been running by it for the past 4 years I’ve lived in my neighborhood and it has always been like this. I used to think I was nuts until I rode by it with Tanya and she commented on the exact same thing. Since in almost every ghost movie I’ve ever seen, the ghost is accompanied by super cold air, I can only deduce that this field is haunted (why do ghosts hang out in the cold anyway? And if they like the cold so much how come they don’t just all go and hang out in Antarctica?). Anyway yesterday when we rode by it was ridiculously cold. I mean, it was probably about 60 degrees along the rest of the route, but in this particular spot it felt like 30. No joke, it was so cold it hurt. There is probably some scientific reason for this, like that the field we ride next to is in the shade or has an air pocket or something, but I prefer to believe that ghosts are responsible because that makes it much more interesting and my life can be sort of boring and imagining there are ghosts around haunting fields I ride by on a regular basis livens it up somewhat. It was so cold that when I got home I was actually inspired to look online to see if there were any local ghost stories that could explain the whole thing.
What I found was a website entitled Ghosts of America. It had a whole two pages for the area I live in which got me very excited until I started actually read the postings. Anyone can enter ghost stories on Ghost of America, so what the site basically consists of is people going on it and making up the most ridiculous, and vague ghost stories I have ever heard. It starts out with this one:
A lady gripping her head beside her arm is frequently seen in Abolitos Park at night hauling a dead body over rocks. A number of of the people who live here allege this ghost is the stressed spirit of a long gone Poway local. Regardless of what, it’s a chilling spirit that you don’t want to run into before dawn.
Okay, that’s sort of scary. I don’t know why you would go to the local soccer park and run around dragging your head AND a dead body under your arm (that seems like a lot of stuff to drag), but I guess if you are stressed you might do this sort of thing. It does indeed sound sort of “chilling.”
But from here the site gets increasingly ridiculous:
The spirit of an airplane pilot became visible devouring a cookie at night on a sidewalk in Poway. Many reports of this ghost have been conveyed. Locals who have observed this ghost allege this ghost loves frightening foolhardy folks who come searching for ghosts in Poway.
This one doesn’t even make sense. Why would an airline pilot come haunt Poway, where there is no airplane field to speak of. Also, why is he eating a cookie. Maybe in life they never let him have any of the cookies in the first class section of the plane, but they smelled awesome so in death he goes around eating any cookies he can get his hands on. I think it’s the details here that make this really over the top. Apparent “many reports” of the cookie monster ghost have been reported, which makes me wonder how those particular conversations went down.
Person 1: Oh my God, last night I saw the scariest thing!
Person 2: Well if it was an airline pilot ghost eating a cookie you aren’t alone, everyone has seen that guy.
By page two, the ghost stories have devolved into pure crazy talk, like my favorite of all:
A headless man may often be observed at a coin operated phone in Poway making a telephone call.
Okay. If you have no head, how are you even planning on speaking into a payphone? Also, which coin operated phone is this? This story is pretty vague on the details but I am very curious about the ghostly motives going on here. If I ever come back as a headless ghost, my first order of business is going to be locating my head, not making payphone calls (unless they are to the guy that took my head- maybe that’s what’s going on…)
If you want to get vaguely scared, you should go to this page. I am going camping this weekend so I definitely plan on scaring everyone around the fire with the tale of the airplane pilot cookie monster ghost. I also plan on steering clear of local payphones, sidewalks, and soccer fields. No matter how ridiculous you think it is, some things just aren’t worth risking.
