Arianna Georgi

 I really shouldn’t be allowed to write a blog about pet psychics.  I mean seriously, what else is there to say/make fun of/comment on the ridiculousness of?   It is possible that every joke there is to be made about pet psychics has already been said, and if not, that dog whisperer guy, although he seems nice enough, is sort of a walking joke so he can cover the rest.  Writing about Pet Psychic is like blogging about how annoying  Sarah Palin is, or how funny that dramatic Prairie Dog video is.  It has already been done… (but I am going to do it anyway).

The thing about pet psychics is that I thought they were only on TV, until the other day when I went to Pet People to get my cat some cat stuff.  Pet People has a bulletin board and on were about 10 different fliers for pet psychics all promising things like “I will use pictures of your pet and speak to spirit guides to help you solve your behavioral problems” but also all with disclaimers like “I cannot guarantee your pet will stop destroying your shoes.”  The number of local psychics was astounding again, when I came home and did an internet search.  I found this UT article about pet psychics, where the woman (who insists on calling herself an animal communicator, because a psychic “sees the future” and a communicator “looks into the animal’s heart”) states that she communicates with animals through invisible airwaves.  I also found a website of a local psychic who says that after a session “Your mutual understanding will be increased, as will your awareness of his or her (the pet’s) emotional and physical concerns.” 

I really can’t say that I find animal communicators or pet psychics that bad.  I think for the most part, most people spend far too little time thinking about the feelings of any animal, let alone their pets.  If we start thinking of animals more as little beings with feelings than it could only be good for animals overall (that was my annoying animal rights moment, don’t worry I am done).  But, that said, there is still something a little tiny bit silly about the whole thing.  Or so I thought until I saw that the woman above charges 195 bucks for 90 minutes.  195!  With the economy falling apart and unemployment up I think it might be worthwhile to peruse a career in animal communication.   I don’t think there’s an actual school you go to, according to these bios you just have to practice with your animals a lot.  I began practice last night, videotaping some of Charlie’s more mysterious behavior.  Here’s what I have so far.  If you like it, I will do my psychic readings for your poet for 185 dollars/90 minutes.  How’s that for a deal???

Behavior One: Frantically Scratching The Scratching Post for About 5 Seconds and Then Becoming Completely Disinterested. 

Psychic Comments:  Charlie is trying to demonstrate his strength and power.  In his last life, he was a Mongolian Warlord who destroyed villages so being a cat is kind of a blow to his ego.  The frantic scratching and destruction of the cat toy should prove that he is still strong and terrifying to you.  Reassure him, by praising his claws and telling him how awesome he is. 

Behavior Two:  Staring at his Cube Toys for About 5 Seconds and Then Becoming Completely Disinterested

Psychic Comments:  In another past life, Charlie was a nomad.  Theoretically, he is always seeking his “home.”  The cubes are a false home for him and although he examines them carefully, hoping that he can finally end his travels, they are inferior.  Buy him new cubes.

Behavior Three: Charlie stares at me for a few seconds… then leaves

Psychic Interpretation: Even the cat thinks you are an idiot.

Tags: Cats, Charlie, Pet Psychics

A recent assignment for my Promotional Copywriting class challenged me to pick an object on my desk (non-electronic) and write about for two pages. The idea was that we would be able to come up with some interesting copy, even about something really mundane, if we just kept writing.  I choose my Envelope Moistener.  I use constantly and it is probably my most beloved desk top item but it still was quite a challenge to write about for two whole pages.  After getting past the basics, (it’s blue, it seals envelopes), I found myself rambling on and on about my desk in general, and how everyone always wants to borrow it from me and I really, really hate sharing, and how bad glue tastes and then whether I should even be consuming massive amounts of glue.  I vowed that after the assignment I would google “envelope glue” and see what the general consensus was.

Wow.  Be prepared if you google “envelope glue” because it is hotly debated topic.  People on the web argue back and forth about whether it contains bug eggs (no), where the best recipe for making your own can be found, and whether or not it is gluten-free.  There also are several sites that involve girls freaking out about the possibility of the glue having a high calorie count and therefore secretly ruining their diets (if you are worried about calories from envelope glue an intervention is probably in order). 

A lot of sites are also devoted to the urban legend about a woman licking an envelope that has roach eggs in the glue and then having a live roach hatch out of her tongue.  A shocking number of people think this is completely medically possible and have devoted their sites to dire warnings and statements like “THIS IS TOTALLY TRUE.  PLEASE PASS THIS ON.”  To me, it sounds like something you would make up around a campfire, but whatever.

Anyway, the point of all this is that the internet continues to shock and astound me.  Google envelope glue and you get everything from hysterical warnings, to songs names after it (http://www.humblevoice.com/profile/components/word_gallery/word.php?iid=2982).  I would say that all it proves is that the majority of people in this country have way too much time on their hands, but it wouldn’t really be fair.  After all, here I am writing about envelope glue too. 

Tags: licking envelopes, Work

 Last night, the Office episode focused on a baby shower that Michael threw for Jan.  While I love the Office, and uncomfortable humor is sort of their staple, last night’s episode made me particularly uncomfortable because it reminded me how extremely awkward I am around pregnant people.

In the last year, three of my close friends have all had babies and I think I handled it pretty well.  It’s largely because they all were totally cool about it.  Amy brought her sarcastic quips and trademark sense of humor to the situation (after a particularly funny Onion article she let me call the baby, “the parasite”), Ryan didn’t let the whole thing stop him from going to poker night (although to be fair he wasn’t the pregnant one), and Heather Ray let me take pictures of her balancing beers on her belly at my birthday party.    But they are some of my best friends.  With strangers or acquaintances I am still at a total loss. 

The small talk situations are what really get me.   For some reason, the only thing I can find to bring up to talk to them about is their pregnancy, but then once I do there’s really nowhere to go.  I have little to nothing in common with a pregnant person as I spend the majority of my time engaging in extreme physical activity and drinking, and they spend most of their time practicing breathing and avoiding caffeine (I think).   I either resort to asking really inane questions (”Ready to have that baby yet?”), or blurting out facts about other people I know who have had babies (”My Godson is a really big baby 95^th percentile” or “When my best friend was pregnant she said it was uncomfortable”).   Normally I am sort of in the clear anyway because in my experience most pregnant people love to talk about how pregnant they are and, to quote the “You’ll Do” video, basically “act as if they were the first pregnant people ever.”  But for those who are actually tired of talking about the whole thing and maybe even irritable because they are creating human life and I am asking them inane questions, the conversation trails off into silence.  At that point I stare at their belly and ask more questions/make statement, while they uncomfortably answer (”Yes I do get morning sickness, thanks for bringing that up”).

Anyway, hopefully I will get better at the whole thing some day, but for now if you are pregnant it may be best to avoid me until you can drink again.

The end result of the whole being pregnant thing: babies like my awesome Godson, who I am becoming slightly less awkward around.

Tags: Akwardness, Babies

By the way, I know I’ve been slacking with the blogging lately.   I let it fall by the wayside in an effort to get ready to go to Baltimore and run the marathon there, but now that I finished I am back to San Diego and also martini drinking (actually that never really stopped) and writing about things I ridiculous and/or awesome. 

Anyway, in case you were curious, the marathon went really well (in a marathon sort of way- I didn’t die and finished in a time I liked) and this year it actually looks like the photographers managed to get a few pictures of me that were actually decent (normally being shot from the ground up when I am in pain results in photos where I look like I am about to pass out gut first).  Feel free to check them out and maybe even buy some wallet size. 

Plenty of things seem to be annoying me this week so I should be posting more frequently from here on out…

Tags: I'm back, marathon, photos

While I was looking at things to do this weekend, I came upon the following:

The Tequila Festival and Expo is returning to Tijuana, BC MX on October 12 through 19 at the Revolution Avenue. The festival is an exciting and culturally intense event because its main focus is on educating visitors on, and tasting the many different types of tequila in Mexico.

Five Star Tours is providing one of a kind tours to the annual Tequila Expo in Tijuana, MX. The Tequila Expo is an event where participants will have the opportunity to taste and savor over 100 different tequilas from different parts of Mexico. You will also learn how to distinguish by taste, smell and color what makes very good tequila. You can also buy and import all tequilas on sight for your pleasure at your home or wherever it may lead. The Tequila Expo Tour will be one of the best tours you’ll ever take this side of the border.

Upon boarding a tequila expert will teach you the history of tequila and how to be able to distinguish certain tequilas by different factors. We also have an opportunity to taste tequila on board the bus! The tequila expert will give the best tips on how to find Tequila bargains.

We will cross the border and proceed to the Expo. There you will go leisurely to taste, sample, learn & buy the tequilas of your choice. Remember it is UNLIMITED Tequila Tasting at its Finest!

Also, you will have free time to do shopping & have lunch at your own leisure (lunch is not included)

Now, I am not one of those people that turns pale and dry-heaves when peoeple mention tequila, but I will admitt that most nights that involve tequila shots for me don’t really end in going to be with a glass of warm milk (especially if the nigh also does not include food).  I can only imagine what an entire Tequila Expo would do.  There’s an attempt there to class up the idea of pounding tequila by calling the whole thing a tequila “education” and bringing a tequila “expert,” but really isn’t this just going to end the same way?  (Also, how do you become a tequila expert?  Years and years of tequila school?)   The statement that, “You can also buy and import all tequilas on sight for your pleasure at your home or wherever it may lead” really doesn’t make me feel any less uneasy about this whole thing… since the only place tequila has lead me to before was passing out in a park and playing fake guitar at a kareoke bar (see below). 

Anyway, I just wanted to make a short note of it before I headed off to work.  Is anyone planning on going?  Does anyone else think that this is pretty much the worst idea ever?

Tags: Bad Ideas, Tequila