Arianna Georgi

I like going to Spin Class, and by like I mean sort of hate but go anyway because it feels like a pretty good workout and people seem to be overly impressed by it.  In Spin Class you control the knob and so it is only really as tough as you make it.  But whenever I tell someone about going to Spin Class twice a week they make some statement to the effect of “oh sweet Jesus, I can’t believe you’re that tough” so I keep telling them about it and pretending like I am. I consider myself somewhat of a Spin Class coinsurer.  I went to Spin Class at my old gym.  I go to Spin Class at my new gym.  I went to Spin Class when I took a cruise to Alaska and I was out in the middle of the ocean.  And right now I am in Park City and I’ve been going to Spin Class here too.   Despite making me sort of an expert on Spin Classes (and a total Spin Class snob), all of this experience has shown me something.  Spin Class is EXACTLY the same wherever you go.  Seriously, I bet you could go to a Spin Class in the Amazon forest and it would be run by a fit, but not necessarily enviable person with ankle tattoos.  If mankind ever sets up a colony on the moon I can almost guarantee that Spin Class there will have the same ten people, and the same techo music.  Spin Class is universal, and in case you have never been, here’s a brief overview of what to expect.

Universal Spin Class Truth 1:  There will be one really creepy older guy in the class taking the whole thing way too seriously

This guy will sit in the front.  He has his own clip in bike shoes and will wear very tight bike shorts.  He will make terrifying grunting noises and sweat (even more than I do if that’s possible).  Even when the instructor tells everyone to take a break, he’ll keep standing up and pedaling as though he’s competing in the Tour de France.  He is will have a Livestrong bracelet.  This guy or a version of him has been in EVERY spin class I have ever attended.   He puts the rest of us to shame.

Universal Spin Class Truth 2:  At some point, the instructor will play Coldplay’s Speed of Sound

It will probably occur during the cool down section, but if it’s the techno version it may happen on the last hill.  The constant playing of this song while I am physically exerting myself now causes an almost Pavilion response that just hear the first few bars of that damn piano makes me start sweating.  I think Coldplay may have a secret pact with Spin Class instructors everywhere that they have to play their song.  It doesn’t really belong in a spin class, which usually features techno versions of Christina Aguillera songs so it must be a conspiracy.

Universal Spin Class Truth 3:  There will be one very out of shape woman who doesn’t really understand the concept of spin and spends the first ten minutes struggling to peddle with the bike set way too hard

This poor lady.  She probably read about how awesome Spin Class is in her Women’s Health magazine.  She’s got the bike shorts.  She’s ready to go.  She shows up in class and completely misses the idea of “cadence.”  When the instructor says you should turn it up a notch she turns it up all the way so that even creepy older guy would have a hard time turning the wheels.  Her face turns red and she struggles to push her way up what is the equivalent of spin Everest.  After burning herself out in the first ten minutes she spends the rest of the class sitting when we are all supposed to be standing and looking exhausted. 

Universal Spin Class Truth 4:  The instructor will tell you to relax your shoulders

She just will.  If you are like me, and don’t take criticism well you should run over this exchange in your head so you don’t react violently to her advice.   

Universal Spin Class Truth 5:  An incredibly fit woman will show up and make some comment about she just had twins a month ago so she hopes she can “keep up”

She will then take off her top and spin in a sports bra putting you to shame with her incredible toned abs.  She will smile the entire time and clap when the instructor says motivational things.  She won’t sweat so much as she will glow.  Sometimes when the class is going on, her unreasonably handsome husband will show up at the door holding a baby and with a toddler in tow.  The toddler will wave enthusiastically and so will the fit woman.   It is okay to hate her.

This image is from http://www.ultimatefit.net/images/spin_pic.jpg.  I think pretty much every person I mentioned in my article is pictured here.

Tags: Coldplay, exercise, spin class, universal truths

So I am still trying to decide if I want to wear my costume to work since (even though there is a costume contest) everyone seems to think they are too cool to get dressed up, but I thought I would go ahead and put some photos up.  Here it is, the ghost of my own futre, my crazy cat lady costume!

Please note the cat lady shoes:

Awesome cat lady pins:

ENJOY!

Tags: crazy cat lady, Halloween

Sometimes I feel like there is a giant anti-feminist conspiracy to make women look like idiots by simply taking the most idiotic women possible and the presenting them as representatives for us all on TV or magazine covers.  I would like to point to Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, The Hills, and pretty much any other show on MTV as evidence.  If there are aliens somewhere in space receiving our radio signals and desperately trying to decipher our culture, I am pretty sure that between these shows and Sarah Palin they are going to come to the conclusion that the majority of human females either spend most of their time in jacuzzis throwing drinks on each other and fighting over washed up rap/rock stars or mispronouncing the word nuclear and winking.  When they show up they may be shocked to discover some of do not have fake breasts and are able to name multiple national newspapers.If this is the case, The Lingerie Football League is doing a really great job, as is this piece/video art project I stumbled across on San Diego’s Union Tribune site:

http://www.video.signonsandiego.com/vmix_hosted_apps/p/media?id=2310748&item_index=1&all=1&sort=NULL

Let’s ignore the obviously things that are wrong with this video, like the fact that trying out for the lingerie football league involves no actual football experience, the fact that one girl has no idea who a linebacker is and has never really watched football, and the creepy casting couch style comments of the lingerie football league’s founder.  Instead I would like to present as evidence to support my theory the girl who says her training involved “eating rice crackers” and definitely not drinking water (because water and sports absolutely DO NOT mix).  I would also like to note the girl who states that “the bigger the silicon is” the “better off they are.”  This video makes me incredibly sad (and not just because I don’t personally think I could make the lingerie team).   

Tags: aliens, Lingerie Football League, San Diego

 Some mornings Tanya and I get ourselves out of bed extra early to get in some bike riding before work.  We have a set 11 mile loop we do and almost every time we do it we joke about riding past what we refer to as the “haunted field.”  Basically along our route there’s a certain field we pass by that always happens to be about 15 degrees cooler than everywhere else.  I’ve been running by it for the past 4 years I’ve lived in my neighborhood and it has always been like this.  I used to think I was nuts until I rode by it with Tanya and she commented on the exact same thing.  Since in almost every ghost movie I’ve ever seen, the ghost is accompanied by super cold air, I can only deduce that this field is haunted (why do ghosts hang out in the cold anyway?  And if they like the cold so much how come they don’t just all go and hang out in Antarctica?).  Anyway yesterday when we rode by it was ridiculously cold.  I mean, it was probably about 60 degrees along the rest of the route, but in this particular spot it felt like 30.  No joke, it was so cold it hurt. There is probably some scientific reason for this, like that the field we ride next to is in the shade or has an air pocket or something, but I prefer to believe that ghosts are responsible because that makes it much more interesting and my life can be sort of boring and imagining there are ghosts around haunting fields I ride by on a regular basis livens it up somewhat.  It was so cold that when I got home I was actually inspired to look online to see if there were any local ghost stories that could explain the whole thing. 

What I found was a website entitled Ghosts of America.  It had a whole two pages for the area I live in which got me very excited until I started actually read the postings.  Anyone can enter ghost stories on Ghost of America, so what the site basically consists of is people going on it and making up the most ridiculous, and vague ghost stories I have ever heard.  It starts out with this one:

A lady gripping her head beside her arm is frequently seen in Abolitos Park at night hauling a dead body over rocks. A number of of the people who live here allege this ghost is the stressed spirit of a long gone Poway local. Regardless of what, it’s a chilling spirit that you don’t want to run into before dawn.

Okay, that’s sort of scary.  I don’t know why you would go to the local soccer park and run around dragging your head AND a dead body under your arm (that seems like a lot of stuff to drag), but I guess if you are stressed you might do this sort of thing.  It does indeed sound sort of “chilling.” 

But from here the site gets increasingly ridiculous:

The spirit of an airplane pilot became visible devouring a cookie at night on a sidewalk in Poway. Many reports of this ghost have been conveyed. Locals who have observed this ghost allege this ghost loves frightening foolhardy folks who come searching for ghosts in Poway.

This one doesn’t even make sense.  Why would an airline pilot come haunt Poway, where there is no airplane field to speak of.  Also, why is he eating a cookie.  Maybe in life they never let him have any of the cookies in the first class section of the plane, but they smelled awesome so in death he goes around eating any cookies he can get his hands on.  I think it’s the details here that make this really over the top.  Apparent “many reports” of the cookie monster ghost have been reported, which makes me wonder how those particular conversations went down. 

Person 1:  Oh my God, last night I saw the scariest thing!

Person 2:  Well if it was an airline pilot ghost eating a cookie you aren’t alone, everyone has seen that guy.

By page two, the ghost stories have devolved into pure crazy talk, like my favorite of all:

A headless man may often be observed at a coin operated phone in Poway making a telephone call.

Okay.  If you have no head, how are you even planning on speaking into a payphone?  Also, which coin operated phone is this?  This story is pretty vague on the details but I am very curious about the ghostly motives going on here.  If I ever come back as a headless ghost, my first order of business is going to be locating my head, not making payphone calls (unless they are to the guy that took my head- maybe that’s what’s going on…)

If you want to get vaguely scared, you should go to this page.  I am going camping this weekend so I definitely plan on scaring everyone around the fire with the tale of the airplane pilot cookie monster ghost.  I also plan on steering clear of local payphones, sidewalks, and soccer fields.  No matter how ridiculous you think it is, some things just aren’t worth risking. 

Tags: Airplane Pilots, Biking, Ghosts, Halloween, Poway

 I really shouldn’t be allowed to write a blog about pet psychics.  I mean seriously, what else is there to say/make fun of/comment on the ridiculousness of?   It is possible that every joke there is to be made about pet psychics has already been said, and if not, that dog whisperer guy, although he seems nice enough, is sort of a walking joke so he can cover the rest.  Writing about Pet Psychic is like blogging about how annoying  Sarah Palin is, or how funny that dramatic Prairie Dog video is.  It has already been done… (but I am going to do it anyway).

The thing about pet psychics is that I thought they were only on TV, until the other day when I went to Pet People to get my cat some cat stuff.  Pet People has a bulletin board and on were about 10 different fliers for pet psychics all promising things like “I will use pictures of your pet and speak to spirit guides to help you solve your behavioral problems” but also all with disclaimers like “I cannot guarantee your pet will stop destroying your shoes.”  The number of local psychics was astounding again, when I came home and did an internet search.  I found this UT article about pet psychics, where the woman (who insists on calling herself an animal communicator, because a psychic “sees the future” and a communicator “looks into the animal’s heart”) states that she communicates with animals through invisible airwaves.  I also found a website of a local psychic who says that after a session “Your mutual understanding will be increased, as will your awareness of his or her (the pet’s) emotional and physical concerns.” 

I really can’t say that I find animal communicators or pet psychics that bad.  I think for the most part, most people spend far too little time thinking about the feelings of any animal, let alone their pets.  If we start thinking of animals more as little beings with feelings than it could only be good for animals overall (that was my annoying animal rights moment, don’t worry I am done).  But, that said, there is still something a little tiny bit silly about the whole thing.  Or so I thought until I saw that the woman above charges 195 bucks for 90 minutes.  195!  With the economy falling apart and unemployment up I think it might be worthwhile to peruse a career in animal communication.   I don’t think there’s an actual school you go to, according to these bios you just have to practice with your animals a lot.  I began practice last night, videotaping some of Charlie’s more mysterious behavior.  Here’s what I have so far.  If you like it, I will do my psychic readings for your poet for 185 dollars/90 minutes.  How’s that for a deal???

Behavior One: Frantically Scratching The Scratching Post for About 5 Seconds and Then Becoming Completely Disinterested. 

Psychic Comments:  Charlie is trying to demonstrate his strength and power.  In his last life, he was a Mongolian Warlord who destroyed villages so being a cat is kind of a blow to his ego.  The frantic scratching and destruction of the cat toy should prove that he is still strong and terrifying to you.  Reassure him, by praising his claws and telling him how awesome he is. 

Behavior Two:  Staring at his Cube Toys for About 5 Seconds and Then Becoming Completely Disinterested

Psychic Comments:  In another past life, Charlie was a nomad.  Theoretically, he is always seeking his “home.”  The cubes are a false home for him and although he examines them carefully, hoping that he can finally end his travels, they are inferior.  Buy him new cubes.

Behavior Three: Charlie stares at me for a few seconds… then leaves

Psychic Interpretation: Even the cat thinks you are an idiot.

Tags: Cats, Charlie, Pet Psychics