Arianna Georgi

Sometimes I feel like there is a giant anti-feminist conspiracy to make women look like idiots by simply taking the most idiotic women possible and the presenting them as representatives for us all on TV or magazine covers.  I would like to point to Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, The Hills, and pretty much any other show on MTV as evidence.  If there are aliens somewhere in space receiving our radio signals and desperately trying to decipher our culture, I am pretty sure that between these shows and Sarah Palin they are going to come to the conclusion that the majority of human females either spend most of their time in jacuzzis throwing drinks on each other and fighting over washed up rap/rock stars or mispronouncing the word nuclear and winking.  When they show up they may be shocked to discover some of do not have fake breasts and are able to name multiple national newspapers.If this is the case, The Lingerie Football League is doing a really great job, as is this piece/video art project I stumbled across on San Diego’s Union Tribune site:

http://www.video.signonsandiego.com/vmix_hosted_apps/p/media?id=2310748&item_index=1&all=1&sort=NULL

Let’s ignore the obviously things that are wrong with this video, like the fact that trying out for the lingerie football league involves no actual football experience, the fact that one girl has no idea who a linebacker is and has never really watched football, and the creepy casting couch style comments of the lingerie football league’s founder.  Instead I would like to present as evidence to support my theory the girl who says her training involved “eating rice crackers” and definitely not drinking water (because water and sports absolutely DO NOT mix).  I would also like to note the girl who states that “the bigger the silicon is” the “better off they are.”  This video makes me incredibly sad (and not just because I don’t personally think I could make the lingerie team).   

Tags: aliens, Lingerie Football League, San Diego

 Last night, the Office episode focused on a baby shower that Michael threw for Jan.  While I love the Office, and uncomfortable humor is sort of their staple, last night’s episode made me particularly uncomfortable because it reminded me how extremely awkward I am around pregnant people.

In the last year, three of my close friends have all had babies and I think I handled it pretty well.  It’s largely because they all were totally cool about it.  Amy brought her sarcastic quips and trademark sense of humor to the situation (after a particularly funny Onion article she let me call the baby, “the parasite”), Ryan didn’t let the whole thing stop him from going to poker night (although to be fair he wasn’t the pregnant one), and Heather Ray let me take pictures of her balancing beers on her belly at my birthday party.    But they are some of my best friends.  With strangers or acquaintances I am still at a total loss. 

The small talk situations are what really get me.   For some reason, the only thing I can find to bring up to talk to them about is their pregnancy, but then once I do there’s really nowhere to go.  I have little to nothing in common with a pregnant person as I spend the majority of my time engaging in extreme physical activity and drinking, and they spend most of their time practicing breathing and avoiding caffeine (I think).   I either resort to asking really inane questions (”Ready to have that baby yet?”), or blurting out facts about other people I know who have had babies (”My Godson is a really big baby 95^th percentile” or “When my best friend was pregnant she said it was uncomfortable”).   Normally I am sort of in the clear anyway because in my experience most pregnant people love to talk about how pregnant they are and, to quote the “You’ll Do” video, basically “act as if they were the first pregnant people ever.”  But for those who are actually tired of talking about the whole thing and maybe even irritable because they are creating human life and I am asking them inane questions, the conversation trails off into silence.  At that point I stare at their belly and ask more questions/make statement, while they uncomfortably answer (”Yes I do get morning sickness, thanks for bringing that up”).

Anyway, hopefully I will get better at the whole thing some day, but for now if you are pregnant it may be best to avoid me until you can drink again.

The end result of the whole being pregnant thing: babies like my awesome Godson, who I am becoming slightly less awkward around.

Tags: Akwardness, Babies

The Poway Rodeo is coming up this weekend and while I now would avoid attending the rodeo since its pretty much cruel and unnecessary despite the kettle corn, I’m not ashamed to say I have gone in the past.  One of the best things about the rodeo, besides the Mutton Busting (small children riding sheep), and eating aforementioned kettle corn, are the acts they have between the events.  A few years ago, my dad and I went to the Ramona rodeo and had the pleasure of witnessing a Rodeo Monkey named Whiplash.  I was inspired to do a quick search for Whiplash this morning and, let me just say, his website exceeds all expectations. 

It’s pretty much everything you would want a website about a Rodeo dog riding monkey to be.  The all bold text proclaims:  WHIPLASH THE COWBOY MONKEY IS A TRULY A FAN FAVORITE, HE IS AN INTERNATIONAL STAR AND A TRUE COWBOY.  This makes me wonder if Whiplash has ever met Sugar Bush Squirrel, the “International Superstar.”  Maybe they could get together and discuss what it is like to be a small animal dressed in ridiculous human clothes. 

The Whiplash website also includes a page with “SOME INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT EACH ANIMAL.”  I was definitely curious to learn more about Whiplash.  While the fact that he likes Animal Planet is not the surprising (he probably enjoys watching what normal monkeys, ones that aren’t constantly humiliated by humans and forced to ride dogs do), but I was sort of surprised to see he also likes “Law and Order.”  I wonder why?  Last time I watched Law and Order it was just a lot people sitting in court rooms and really lacked the bananas I would think would make a show appealing to a monkey.  The page also has information about the dog he rides, Ben, who is apparently “THE MOST LOYAL AND COURAGOUS DOG EVER” (just a fact).  Another fact about Ben is that “HE IS AWESOME.”

According to Whiplash’s schedule, he will not be in Poway this year, and I probably wouldn’t go to the rodeo even if he was.   The remains in my thoughts and my heart however, and I wish him the best of luck as he continues to “ROCK THE HOUSE.”

Tags: , kettle corn, monkey, rodeos

There is something that occurs in Maxim Magazine interviews that I like to call “Hot Girl Trying to be Even Hotter By Making Stuff Up Syndrome” (or HGTEHBMSUS for short).  Basically it occurs when a girl who is already ridiculously hot and famous in an incredibly obscure way (Brazil’s Number 1 Thong Model!) then gives an interview to Maxim magazine so that the men that purchase it have something to point to when they are trying to convince their girlfriends that they aren’t just looking at Thong Models.  In this interview, the Hot Girl in question will make a variety of incredibly unbelievable statements that she obviously thinks will make most men find her even hotter.  “There’s nothing I love more than giving my boyfriend a massage while he watches his favorite sports team and eats chicken wings,” the model will say (Maxim will then put this quote in bold on top of a photo of said model licking a popsicle).   “I also really like wearing lingerie around the house while I clean, drink beers, and fantasize about that hot drunken night my college roommate and I had in Cabo” she’ll add.  HGTEHBMSUS is basically the magazine equivalent of kissing your sobriety sister at a Frat party to get guys.  Completely false, manipulative, and embarrassing for everyone involved and anyone that actually falls for it.  So far, I had only seen it in Maxim magazine, but today HGTEHBMSUS hit a whole new level, it spread to GQ.

Megan Fox, last seen pretending to be the world’s most unrealistic 16 year old (even Michael Bay should be ashamed) in Transformers opened up to GQ about a lesbian affair she had when she was 18.  It is safe to bet this was a hard decision for Megan Fox, but one she felt she had to make because it was a question being brutally honest with her adoring fan base (also one that had NOTHING to do whatsoever with the upcoming Transformers 2 and Fox’s movie “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People” which opens October 3^rd).   From CNN:

Megan Fox has nothing to hide.

The candid 22-year-old “Transformers” star, who’s currently engaged to actor Brian Austin Green, opened up to GQ about her love life, telling the magazine she was once in love with a female stripper. Fox, who appears on the October cover in a black bikini, said she was in the relationship when she was 18 and first living in Los Angeles alone.

“Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided - oh man, sorry, mommy! - that I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop,” said Fox. “I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita.”

Fox said Nikita would do “these beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads.” The actress also said she would bring the Russian stripper gifts and try to inspire her to quit her line of work.

Fox’s publicist, Dominique Appel, confirmed the contents of the GQ report Monday.

Despite the brief relationship with a woman, Fox said she does not identify herself as gay.

“Look, I’m not a lesbian,” said Fox. “I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl - Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She’s mesmerizing. And lately I’ve been obsessed with Jenna Jameson, but … oh boy.”

Wow, Megan Fox, really?  You just so happened to have had a hot lesbian affair that happens to sound exactly it was ripped from the dreams of the average 14 year old boy (your target audience)?  If Megan Fox was going to make up some bisexuality to make herself more interesting you would think she would AT LEAST be a little bit more subtle about it rather than going all out and throwing in a strip club, a Russian stripper named Nikita (Hannah, is that even really a Russian name???), AND Aerosmith ballads.  I mean, come on Megan Fox, did you guys also sometimes ride sweet fourwheelers together while you were wearing bikinis and drinking Steel Reserve?  Did you have a day job where you were a librarian, but you know, a really sexy one? 

Megan Fox then goes on to even further destroy any credibility by listing as her two celebrity crushes  Olivia Wilde (who plays a bisexual on House and has also frequented Maxim’s “Hot Lists”) and Jenna Jameson (she wasn’t even trying with that one). I like how Megan Fox, (much like the Katie Perty song “I Kissed a Girl”) is quick to point out that she isn’t actually gay (average 14 year old boy you still have a chance!) she just likes women when in the most titillating possible scenarios.  In fact, maybe Megan Fox and Katie Perry can get together and discuss how they like kissing super hot girls (Katie Perry claims her inspiration was Scarlett Johansson), but they hope their boyfriends are cool with it because they totally have boyfriends are not actually real lesbians. 

Someone needs to call Nikita for a comment.

Tags: completely BS publicity stunts, HGTEHBMSUS, Maxim Magazine, Megan Fix, Scarlett Johansson

I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t really understand Urban Outfitters.  The faded tee-shirts that look like they came from the bottom of a box in the back of Salvation Army and retail for 34 dollars, the “ironic” stupid hipster books they sell, the fact that I can’t really tell how most of the clothing there is supposed to be worn (is it a scarf, a sweater or a purse?).  Urban Outfitters has always eluded me, so maybe that’s why I don’t really understand what the hell is going on in the Fall catalogue.  What is clear to me, is that someone, at some point, decided the best way to sell clothes was to put them on drugged and/or emaciated looking models and then have those model all pose as though they are just about to be murdered by a serial killer, turned into a zombie, and/or are a ghost.  Makes sense, right?  Basically, every single model in the new catalogue looks like she’s participating in some sort of horror movie. 

Watch out, Girl Modeling the 20 dollar Huntington Scarf!!!!!!  Clearly you’ve just heard something alarming behind you causing you to turn your glassy eyes to look over your shoulder.  Was it an ax-murder sneaking up on you in the woods?  Maybe it was just someone just trying to chase you down so they can let you know jumpers are a really, really bad idea.

Oh no, Girl in 68 Dollar sweater vest!  You never should have left the camping trip/séance you were hanging out at with the Huntington Scarf Girl to go by yourself into the woods.  Something terrifying has obviously occurred on the left side of this photo and I really doubt you are going to be able to run far in those shoes.

This girl is clearly a ghost doomed to wander the woods endlessly looking for the pants that went with her overly expensive ponhco.  Seriously, if I was out alone somewhere and this girl walked by with her Samara Morgan hair and her limp, emaciated limbs I would head the other direction. 

I feel bad for this girl.  Unfortunantly, started her so much that she ran into the woods and completely forgot her dress is totally see through.  Not only that, but her dress doesn’t even look particuarly warm.  When the ghost girl shows up, I am pretty sure this girl is doomed.

This girl is obviously a zombie. 

 Urban Outfitters has clearly cornered the fashionable zombie, ghost, and horror movie vicitim market.

Tags: catalogue, fashion, Ghosts, Urban Outfitters, zombies