Arianna Georgi

There is something that occurs in Maxim Magazine interviews that I like to call “Hot Girl Trying to be Even Hotter By Making Stuff Up Syndrome” (or HGTEHBMSUS for short).  Basically it occurs when a girl who is already ridiculously hot and famous in an incredibly obscure way (Brazil’s Number 1 Thong Model!) then gives an interview to Maxim magazine so that the men that purchase it have something to point to when they are trying to convince their girlfriends that they aren’t just looking at Thong Models.  In this interview, the Hot Girl in question will make a variety of incredibly unbelievable statements that she obviously thinks will make most men find her even hotter.  “There’s nothing I love more than giving my boyfriend a massage while he watches his favorite sports team and eats chicken wings,” the model will say (Maxim will then put this quote in bold on top of a photo of said model licking a popsicle).   “I also really like wearing lingerie around the house while I clean, drink beers, and fantasize about that hot drunken night my college roommate and I had in Cabo” she’ll add.  HGTEHBMSUS is basically the magazine equivalent of kissing your sobriety sister at a Frat party to get guys.  Completely false, manipulative, and embarrassing for everyone involved and anyone that actually falls for it.  So far, I had only seen it in Maxim magazine, but today HGTEHBMSUS hit a whole new level, it spread to GQ.

Megan Fox, last seen pretending to be the world’s most unrealistic 16 year old (even Michael Bay should be ashamed) in Transformers opened up to GQ about a lesbian affair she had when she was 18.  It is safe to bet this was a hard decision for Megan Fox, but one she felt she had to make because it was a question being brutally honest with her adoring fan base (also one that had NOTHING to do whatsoever with the upcoming Transformers 2 and Fox’s movie “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People” which opens October 3^rd).   From CNN:

Megan Fox has nothing to hide.

The candid 22-year-old “Transformers” star, who’s currently engaged to actor Brian Austin Green, opened up to GQ about her love life, telling the magazine she was once in love with a female stripper. Fox, who appears on the October cover in a black bikini, said she was in the relationship when she was 18 and first living in Los Angeles alone.

“Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided - oh man, sorry, mommy! - that I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop,” said Fox. “I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita.”

Fox said Nikita would do “these beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads.” The actress also said she would bring the Russian stripper gifts and try to inspire her to quit her line of work.

Fox’s publicist, Dominique Appel, confirmed the contents of the GQ report Monday.

Despite the brief relationship with a woman, Fox said she does not identify herself as gay.

“Look, I’m not a lesbian,” said Fox. “I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl - Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She’s mesmerizing. And lately I’ve been obsessed with Jenna Jameson, but … oh boy.”

Wow, Megan Fox, really?  You just so happened to have had a hot lesbian affair that happens to sound exactly it was ripped from the dreams of the average 14 year old boy (your target audience)?  If Megan Fox was going to make up some bisexuality to make herself more interesting you would think she would AT LEAST be a little bit more subtle about it rather than going all out and throwing in a strip club, a Russian stripper named Nikita (Hannah, is that even really a Russian name???), AND Aerosmith ballads.  I mean, come on Megan Fox, did you guys also sometimes ride sweet fourwheelers together while you were wearing bikinis and drinking Steel Reserve?  Did you have a day job where you were a librarian, but you know, a really sexy one? 

Megan Fox then goes on to even further destroy any credibility by listing as her two celebrity crushes  Olivia Wilde (who plays a bisexual on House and has also frequented Maxim’s “Hot Lists”) and Jenna Jameson (she wasn’t even trying with that one). I like how Megan Fox, (much like the Katie Perty song “I Kissed a Girl”) is quick to point out that she isn’t actually gay (average 14 year old boy you still have a chance!) she just likes women when in the most titillating possible scenarios.  In fact, maybe Megan Fox and Katie Perry can get together and discuss how they like kissing super hot girls (Katie Perry claims her inspiration was Scarlett Johansson), but they hope their boyfriends are cool with it because they totally have boyfriends are not actually real lesbians. 

Someone needs to call Nikita for a comment.

Tags: completely BS publicity stunts, HGTEHBMSUS, Maxim Magazine, Megan Fix, Scarlett Johansson

 Some guys I know check CNN every three or four minutes to get the latest updates on the election, or hurricanes devastating Florida, or how a kitten in Tennessee got trapped in a well, or whatever else CNN posts in their top headlines.  I rarely check it, but when I do I am always impressed by the completely bizarre things they chose to list.  For instance, when I checked it yesterday, among the top headlines were “Town bans ‘SeXXXercise’ pole dancing” and ‘Porn mode’ allows secret Web surfing” (a headline that included video).  I am sure, in the entire country, these are probably the most newsworthy things going on, but it still sometimes seems like CNN does favor the porn/pole dancing news.  Anyway, the headline that caught my eye the other day was unrelated to strippers, kittens, or pole dancing, but did have the word “murder” in it (always good).  It read “Police Say Heart Transplant Teen Plotted Murder.”  I will paste the article link below, but basically, some teenager in Minnesota (a state that seems (to me) to produce more than their fair share of serial killers) who 4 years ago got a heart transplant is now being investigated for plotting to murder his neighbor.  There are quite a few interesting elements to this story, among them the debate about whether or not it’s all of the crazy meds the teen is on that are causing him to act nuts, the fact that the neighbors seem to have all turned their houses into Home Alone style traps to stop attempts on their life (including one neighbor that has “10-foot-long 2 by 4 barricades” in front of his door”) and the boy’s lawyer’s quote “This is a very unique case, and frankly, I don’t know the ramifications of anything yet”(which seems to me just sloppy lawyering).  Anyway, I read the story, found it interesting, felt slightly dirty for being interested in the suffering of some random people in Minnesota.  Then, I scrolled too far.  Apparently, CNN.com now has a section where readers can post comments.  With a story like this, you would think there would not really be that many comments to make.  It’s not politically charged and it sucks for everyone involved… what further is there to say about it?  Anyway, this assumption was wrong. Apparently people across the country have opinions about this story.  They have opinions and they want them heard.  RosieCee for instance, observed that:

“It would be important to know which medication the doctor thought was necessary to discontinue with this 18 year old.

The article states that he was on antidepressants. According to the Physicians Desk Reference, antidepressants can cause mania, psychosis, hostility, agitation, etc.”

 I don’t have my own copy of the Physicians Desk Reference, so I found this very informative.  I suppose I could go to WebMd and figure out similar things, but I’m too lazy, so this comment pretty much covered it for me.  Then Legal Eagle weighed in with the stirring and chilling thought:

“What happens a few years down the road when he actually pulls it off?” 

I had to stop and think about that one.  But the best comment of all came from Russ who just may have solved the case.  He posted this gem:

“Doesn’t this bring to mind the theory that organ transplant patients sometimes take on the latent traits of the donor? Who was the donor and what was their background? It’s just a theory, but transplant patients have often discussed feeling ‘different’ after an organ transplant, having different urges or cravings.

It would be interesting to find out who the donor heart came from…”

Now while I have heard the term “cellular memory” before (mainly in low budget horror movies), I am pretty sure there is no actual evidence that backs this claim up.  Russ probably just saw Jessica Alba’s The Eye and thinks he’s on to something.  “Wait a sec, he said,” reading this article, “this seems an awful lot like that movie with that hot chick from Fantastic Four I just saw.  That heart probably came from a serial killer!  I think I’ve figured out what the problem is over there in Minnesota… now the only problem is, how do I tell the authorities?”  Russ then decided to go on CNN and post his idea, hoping that maybe one of the investigators of the case would see it and look into the theory that the boy got some sort of serial killer heart.  Mainly, I like the way Russ posts his comment.  You can tell he thought long and hard and felt he was possible going out on a limb with the whole thing “It’s just a theory…” he says in case we get confused and think he is going to put real, factual solution to this problem on the page.  “It would be interesting to find out who the donor heart came from…” he concludes with ellipses that bring to mind a detective sitting there with a pipe and single eyebrow raised.  “Very interesting…” I can see him concluding while giving everyone in the room a knowing look. 

Anyway, I found the whole thing fairly ridiculous, but I guess there is a chance Russ could be right.  If so, we really should stop giving people serial killer hearts.

Story from CNN.com.

Tags: cellular memory, cnn, Jessica Alba

 I belong to 24 hour fitness because I joined when I first moved back here with the misguided notion that I might get a trainer.  And I belong to the Frog’s down the street because my work offered me a really nice cheap membership and I was already swimming in the pool once or twice a week to get ready for my first triathlon.  On top of that, I live in sunny San Diego, which means the outside is essentially one big gym.  Also, I have a gym at my apartment complex.  This means, that a ridiculous variety of gyms and fitness activities are at my finger tips whenever I decide to work out but, of course, I generally work in my apartment complex’s gym since it is the closest (and worst).

I am not even really sure it is fair to call my apartment complex’s gym, and “gym.”  It’s actually more of an unventilated room with a TV, a bike, an elliptical trainer, and weight machine.  It has little to no lighting, and smells pretty terrible.  If there’s an exercise room in hell, it probably looks slightly nicer than this and at least has a water machine.  Anyway, there is pretty much no reason you would work out there (especially if you belong to like 5 other gyms) unless you are incredibly lazy or, you have something to hide.

Let’s call it the Curves effect.  Curves is a nice idea and all, but the blacked out windows and “no men allowed” policy means that at least some of the women going there are going because they really don’t want anyone to see them.  The gym at my complex is similar, and since it has very little traffic it attracts a large number of people whose bizarre and/or obsessive compulsive behavior would be noted and probably mocked at 24 hour fitness or Frogs.  A few examples:

1. Guy that wears a large fishing hat and walks on the treadmill at a pace of about 1.2 mph for 3 hours every day while reading mystery novels.

2. Obsessed with stair-stepper in an unhealthy way girl- who works for hours on the stair-stepper, all the while looking utterly miserable and watching Food Network (probably just to torture herself). Since I started living here, I personally have seen her lose about 15 pounds.

3. Crazy southern man with a bowl hair cut that is incredibly ripped and lifts weights for hours in the gym while making various screaming noises.

Now, it’s that last one that really was at the source of this post.  I don’t know what crazy southern man’s deal is, but I like to make up various back stories about him in my head while I exercise to pass the time.  He’s in the gym constantly, and he looks exactly how I would picture a serial killer to look while working out.  He wears black jeans, no shirt, and has glossy black hair in a bowl cut ala Anton Chigurh in No Country For Old Men.  He makes terrifying noises while he lifts weights and then will ask me in a quiet Southern voice if it’s okay that he wants to change the TV to FoxNews.  Occasionally a Lolita-like girl of indeterminate age (I don’t want to know what’s going on there), shows up and mocks him for a while he exercises which he largely seems to ignore.  In short, he’s completely bizarre and would never cut it at a normal gym. 

Crazy Southern Weightlifter is so weird that sometimes I have to wonder if he’s not even a real person, but instead some sort of bizarre social experiment put in the gym to amaze and confound me.  Seriously, how does someone like this exsist?  What is the deal wih the bowl cut?  Why does he scream like that?  While my gym is semi-disgusting, smelly, and dark, it does give me questions like this to ponder while I sweat, which just may make it better than all the other gyms I have at my disposal combined. 

 ”You eat bagels more often than pretty much anyone else I have ever met,” someone recently said to me.  Whether this statement that makes me disgusting or just eccentric is up for debate, but the fact that I eat a lot of bagel is not.  I love bagels (specifically everything bagels with cream cheese).  Now when I lived in New York, this was not an issue since everyone else is also addict and there were plenty of bagel shops every few feet.  Here in San Diego, however, there is only once place within 5 miles of my house for me to get my twice weekly everything bagel and I hate it.  A lot.

It speaks volumes about my addiction to bagels that I continue to go to the bagel store down the street, since going there is an excruciatingly annoying experience on par with anything Dante would have been able to dream up for the Inferno.  I mean, most stores have annoying components, slow salespeople, pushy customers, weird, excessively loud music, etc.  But all of these things have joined together at my local bagel store to make it the perfect storm of irritation. 

For starters, the store is staffed by a bizarre crew of social outcasts who, if they were in a sports movie where they formed a baseball team that eventually took on the champs would be likeable, but since they make my bagels are not.  Manning the bagel-toasting machine, they have world’s oldest man, who I am pretty sure is an ex-pirate that was thrown off the boat for not doing his pirate duties quickly enough.  His massive arm tattoo and deeply lined face stop me from ever saying anything to him but in addition to being incredibly slow, he consistently gets my order wrong.  At this point, I think we may be playing some sort of game I haven’t been clued in on where I tell him what I want, and he in some comical way tries to trick me.  Whole wheat bagel with lox…?  How about an onion bagel with a giant slice of tomato that looks enough like lox that I don’t question it until I get home.  Seriously.  At the cash register is a mid-forties goth woman who is always carrying on a conversation (screamed) with some who’s in the back of the store making the bagels.  I have never seen this man, but I can only imagine (I imagine him with a Mohawk and a pet parrot in case you were wondering).  In between these two are an endless array of unmotivated teenagers. 

I could tolerate the staff, I guess, and write it off to “local color” but the customers that happen to frequent it also seem to be a special level of weird and infuriating.  For starters, I have never been behind anyone in line there that could ever add to 13 (a baker’s dozen), and when ordering a “baker’s dozen” didn’t act surprised that they then had to choose which bagels went in it.  Hours of my life have passed while I stood behind someone picking out bagels, one at a time and taking forever to reach 13 (”and an onion bagel… how many is that???  3???  Okay…. and an everything bagel… how many is that???).  There are also frequently very loud high school kids at the bagel store (I think mentioned in a previous post that I live near a high school), people from the local retirement village who seem nice enough but have a hard time choosing what smear they want on their bagel, and a knitting club on Thursdays (I think they annoy me most of all). 

I complain constantly to anyone that will listen about how much I hate my bagel store.  I fume to the point of punching a wall every time I get the wrong order or pull a charred bagel from the bag.  I stand in line between people ordering a dozen and mutter.  But I keep going back.  Although it is the psychological equivalent of putting my hand on the warm burner I do it… It’s the only bagel shop nearby, I really love bagels, and besides, it gives me something to blog about.