Arianna Georgi

Glee is my least favorite show I watch regularly on TV (except for Squawk on the Street- but that is my boyfriend’s fault).  After achieving it’s dream of terrifying conservatives and making everyone sing Don’t Stop Believing pretty much non-stop in the first season, Glee did not really have anywhere to go but down.

Since then it has become one of the weirdest, least even-toned shows on TV, where one week a major character might be dealing with the complexity of teenage depression, and the next it’s all hands on deck to win the county bake-off!

And it is about to get even weirder, since this season most of the characters are graduating the creator has said that he will allow them to move on to other things, and maybe even replace them with other people.

But it sure doesn’t seem that way.  In the most recent episode, there was a car crash, an attempted suicide, and maybe a marriage.  I am starting to doubt these kids are going to make it out of McKinnley alive.  So instead of just waiting for Ryan Murphy to kill them off one by one, I would like propose some solutions for the kids that would keep them singing, and mean Rachel and Finn never have to leave.

One:  Zombies

A zombie apocalypse leaves New Directions unharmed, but trapped in McKinnely high school for all eternity due to the hordes of walking dead right outside the door.

Pluses: potential for a zombie, Mercedes, Sam love triangle

Minuses:  In the post-apocalyptic word there are no new Katy Perry songs, so they will have nothing to sing (or maybe, just maybe, there are LOTS of Katy Perry songs…)

Two:  The Peter Pan Ending

The show decides, Simpson’s style, to just keep everyone the same age and pretend it is senior year every year.  Since the show already seems to pick, emphasize and completely abandon various plot points or character features at random, so things like Rachel and Finn getting married can be easily brushed aside

Pluses:  the actors already all look like they are 30 year olds.  How much worse could it get?

Minuses:  The fifth time we watch Brittany and Artie hook-up is going to be annoying

Three:  Glee in Space

At a special commission from President Obama, the entire Glee club and for some reason Sue Sylvester head to the moon to bring some cheer to stranded Soviet cosmonauts.

Plus:  A love triangle between Blaine, Kurt and an alien, plenty of moon-related song material, we get to hear Kurt do a rendition of Space Oddity.

Negative:  Lack of oxygen takes a heavy toll on Mercedes’ powerful singing voice

Four:  It Was All a Dream

It turns out the entire first three seasons of Glee were a dream Will Shuster was having.  He wakes up, but then dozes off again and it all starts over

Pluses:  Given the ridiculous things that happen on this show, it would make a lot of sense

Minuses:  I am not sure I want to know what Will Shuster dreams

Glee writers- feel free to use any of these!  I won’t even charge!

Tags: Glee, television

How do you make the world’s greatest movie trailer?

Ultimate fighters: If you are looking to take your movie trailer to the next level, I highly recommend adding Ultimate Fighters. It does not matter if they can’t act, look borderline mentally challenged, and it’s completely unbelievable that they could teach someone physics; they are awesome. In fact all of those things just mean the audience will spend the entire trailer trying to decide if it was a joke or not! #airofmystery!

Current events: Years from now, when we show Warrior to our children, it will be not just because it is entertaining and has ultimate fights, but because it will hold up as an amazing document of our lives in the year 2011. There was a war going on. People had issues with their mortgages. Cameron from House was super young. Ultimate Fighters walked like gods among men, and EVERYONE wore TapOut clothing.

Family drama: A good movie trailer should have liberal doses of family drama. Don’t be scared to throw in a husband and wife screaming cliches at each other. How about a dad, who was never there for his son but wants to train him to fight now? How about that dad is played by Nick Nolte? And how about the TWIST…

Crazy twists: The two men fighting… ARE BROTHERS. In this trailer, not only do you pretty much get to watch the entire movie in 2 minutes and 31 seconds, you also get the big twist revealed- the brothers have to fight each other at the climax. I am not sure I would call that “impossible,” but it should ensure the movie is filled with plenty of tension.

I could go on and on about what makes this trailer so awesome. Music that lets you KNOW something inspirational is happening, amazing lines like “I used to be one of those animals,” scenes of people training to fight and running by train tracks and hobo-style trash can fires and stuff (which are always awesome). Since I saw this in the trailer I have probably watched it about 15 times.  It is the the greatest movie trailer I have ever seen this last week and when Warrior opens, I plan to be there, in my finest TapouT wifebeater to celebrate.

Tags: Movies

In case you have not noticed, I really like lists. In fact, I tend to have about 10-20 lists going at even given time. I have a list of outfits to wear to work (in case I forget), a list of songs for fall, and a list of my favorite meals. But all of my fancy list making cannot hold a candle to the greatest List Maker ever: Christopher Bridges, AKA Ludacris.

Essentially every single Ludacris song is a list. The general structure goes like this: Ludacris makes a bold statement and then he follows up with a list to support that statement. His lists are long and mostly make sense. If I was on a high school debate team, I would choose Ludacris.

Let’s examine how this structure works in a typical Ludacris song, “Area Codes.” As mentioned above, the song starts with a central thesis: Ludacris has hoes in many area codes.

I’ve got hoes (I’ve got hoes)
In different area codes (area) area codes (codes)

Once that is established, Ludacris moves on to verify that it is true, by listing all of the area codes his hoes live in:

Whenever I call, come running
2-1-2 or 2-1-3
You know that I ball, stop frontin’

The song ends with him basically calling out a series of area codes although sadly not mine (I guess 858, lacks hoes):

9-1-6, 4-1-5, 7-0-4
Shout out to the 2-0-6
Everybody in the 8-0-8
2-1-6, 7-0-2, 4-1-4
3-1-7, 2-1-4, 2-8-1
3-3-4, 2-0-5, I see ya

Anyway, this general format is true for most Ludacris songs:
Roll Out
General Thesis: You have some nice things in your house
List Includes: A woman cooking naked in your kitchen, a bunch of cars, and some diamonds

What’s Your Fantasy
General Thesis: Ludacris will have sex with you in many different locations
List Includes: The George Dome, on stage at his concert, and in a library

Southern Hospitality
General Thesis: Ludacris likes the dirty south and things from there
List Includes: Catfish, big thighs, and Cadillacs

It’s pretty amazing how almost every single Ludacris song follows this format. Welcome to Atlanta is a list of cool things that happen in Atlanta. Move B^&*tch is a list of people really irritating Ludacris while he drives his car super fast. I could go on and on but you get the idea. Ludacris makes my grocery list for making Thanksgiving spoon bread look pretty lame. That’s okay though, I don’t mind being beaten by the best.

Tags: lists, ludacris