Arianna Georgi

Glee is my least favorite show I watch regularly on TV (except for Squawk on the Street- but that is my boyfriend’s fault).  After achieving it’s dream of terrifying conservatives and making everyone sing Don’t Stop Believing pretty much non-stop in the first season, Glee did not really have anywhere to go but down.

Since then it has become one of the weirdest, least even-toned shows on TV, where one week a major character might be dealing with the complexity of teenage depression, and the next it’s all hands on deck to win the county bake-off!

And it is about to get even weirder, since this season most of the characters are graduating the creator has said that he will allow them to move on to other things, and maybe even replace them with other people.

But it sure doesn’t seem that way.  In the most recent episode, there was a car crash, an attempted suicide, and maybe a marriage.  I am starting to doubt these kids are going to make it out of McKinnley alive.  So instead of just waiting for Ryan Murphy to kill them off one by one, I would like propose some solutions for the kids that would keep them singing, and mean Rachel and Finn never have to leave.

One:  Zombies

A zombie apocalypse leaves New Directions unharmed, but trapped in McKinnely high school for all eternity due to the hordes of walking dead right outside the door.

Pluses: potential for a zombie, Mercedes, Sam love triangle

Minuses:  In the post-apocalyptic word there are no new Katy Perry songs, so they will have nothing to sing (or maybe, just maybe, there are LOTS of Katy Perry songs…)

Two:  The Peter Pan Ending

The show decides, Simpson’s style, to just keep everyone the same age and pretend it is senior year every year.  Since the show already seems to pick, emphasize and completely abandon various plot points or character features at random, so things like Rachel and Finn getting married can be easily brushed aside

Pluses:  the actors already all look like they are 30 year olds.  How much worse could it get?

Minuses:  The fifth time we watch Brittany and Artie hook-up is going to be annoying

Three:  Glee in Space

At a special commission from President Obama, the entire Glee club and for some reason Sue Sylvester head to the moon to bring some cheer to stranded Soviet cosmonauts.

Plus:  A love triangle between Blaine, Kurt and an alien, plenty of moon-related song material, we get to hear Kurt do a rendition of Space Oddity.

Negative:  Lack of oxygen takes a heavy toll on Mercedes’ powerful singing voice

Four:  It Was All a Dream

It turns out the entire first three seasons of Glee were a dream Will Shuster was having.  He wakes up, but then dozes off again and it all starts over

Pluses:  Given the ridiculous things that happen on this show, it would make a lot of sense

Minuses:  I am not sure I want to know what Will Shuster dreams

Glee writers- feel free to use any of these!  I won’t even charge!

Tags: Glee, television

We threw Nathan a b-day party with our favorite things.  It’s Always Sunny Season Premiere, Scotch, Meatballs, Beer.  Here’s how you too can have this much fun…

Step 1.  Evite:

Step 2:  The Details:

“Your finest Jelly Beans… Raw”

“Pears weird me out. Where do you start? The top? The bottom? It’s a weird looking thing”

Step 3:  Are you taking me to a spaghetti day?

“What’s your spaghetti policy?”

Step 4: Urinal Cakes

“I happen to think this bathroom is pristine because I work very hard cleaning it. In fact it’s so clean, I would say you could eat out of these urinals.”

Step 5:

Happy People

Tags: evite, It's Always Sunny, jelly beans, meatballs, pears, urine cakes, ziplocs

So of course I have to preface this entire thing by saying how much I love my mom and how well she does actually know me since we talk constantly and she’s one of the best friends I could ask for…

… and then I have to go ahead and ruin all the goodwill and niceness that was created by that statement by saying that if you looked around my house at the things she has given me you would think that she knows one thing, and one thing only: I like cats. 

In all fairness, I do like cats.  I have a cat, I spend my weekend volunteering with a cat rescue organization, and when I was about 10 I used to collect various cat paraphernalia (but let’s not talk about that).   All of this, however, just makes me more painfully aware of the thin line I walk between really liking cats (and animals in general), and becoming an insane cat lady that buys litter in bulk at Costco.  I volunteer with quite a few women that actually wear cat jewelry and sign emails “purrs and pets,” and I recently considered getting a new cat, but had to weigh very heavily the fact that it would be mean that cats would outnumber humans at my house.   Currently, I have one cat, I’m young, I’m attractive, I do talk about things other than cats, but this is how it starts I think.  I mean, crazy old cat ladies weren’t born that way I would think, once upon the time they were young and attractive and not reeking of cat urine too, right?  Then they got that second cat, and the third and the house filled with cat related goodies and it was all over.

So you can see why I am nervous, at any moment the scale could be tipped and I could head down the cat lady path towards my destiny.  And helping to tip that scale is the massive amount of cat-stuff my mom buys me. 

It’s sort of like my mom just met me, and she likes me, but she was only told one thing about my entire personality: that I like cats.  It’s similar to when you work at a job and people only really know a few things about you, like that you always eat a tuna fish sandwich for lunch and so they then comment on this almost every single day.  “Hey, tuna fish again, eh?”  They’re being friendly, but it’s also sad because they really only know one thing about you.  I once worked at a job all summer where the only thing people seemed to figure out about me was that I liked elephants, which I think I mentioned once.  When I then left the job, almost every single card I received included an elephant in some form (if those people had really asked me, they could have determined that in addition to elephants I also liked beer and (at the time) smokes).  Anyway, this is what my mom knows about me.  I like cats.  So she buys me a completely ridiculous amount of cat stuff. 

Lest you think I am exaggerating, I have selected below a few key cat items to show off.  Enjoy, and if you ever come to my house, please keep this post in mind and do not judge…

1.  The Porcelain Cat Teapot

When my mom gave this to me, my first reaction was that it would be the perfect thing to set out if I never want a boy to come in my bedroom ever, ever again.  I picture it going something like this:

Boy:  Want to go in your room?

Me: Sure.

Boy:  Wait, is that a porcelain teapot?

Me: Yes.

Boy:  With cats having tea on it?

Me: It appears so.

Boy:  Let’s just go watch TV instead.

Perhaps this was my mom’s intent, to protect my innocence, but more likely this teapot was on sale at Marshall’s.

2.  Cat Oven Mitts

At this point, the fact that my mom buys me cat stuff has become sort of a joke, so I think she was kidding with this one.  Still if you can avoid anthropomorphizing, these oven mitts are handy AND adorable!

3.  Very Large Fall Looking Cat

My mom got me this cat, also from Marshall’s I think, because it looks sort of like Rotten Ralph who was my favorite when I was a kid.  That’s pretty sweet mom, and it also shows that you know something about me other than the fact that I like cats (I also like books about cats).  Nonetheless, the fall looking cat is sort of terrifying.  And as you can see below, my actual cat is not a fan.

4.  This Thing

Um.  If you know what this is, please tell me.

5.  Cat Stationary

“Hold on a second, let me take down that crucial number on my cat stationary here…”  I say that nearly every single day.   

The cat stationary is in some ways the worst offender because I think overall it is the subtle cat lady things that really send you off the deep end, like when you start having cat pens, and cat stationary.  Anyway, another reason I posted this picture is so that everyone could see I use my cat stationary to play Scrabble and this is a game where I very obviously had a bingo and kicked ass. 

Maybe my mom wiill read this blog and see this particular part and realize I like Scrabble too.  Maybe then I could get some sweet Scrabble cufflinks or a new board…

PS: I love you mom!

Tags: cat stuff, Cats, My Mom

 I belong to 24 hour fitness because I joined when I first moved back here with the misguided notion that I might get a trainer.  And I belong to the Frog’s down the street because my work offered me a really nice cheap membership and I was already swimming in the pool once or twice a week to get ready for my first triathlon.  On top of that, I live in sunny San Diego, which means the outside is essentially one big gym.  Also, I have a gym at my apartment complex.  This means, that a ridiculous variety of gyms and fitness activities are at my finger tips whenever I decide to work out but, of course, I generally work in my apartment complex’s gym since it is the closest (and worst).

I am not even really sure it is fair to call my apartment complex’s gym, and “gym.”  It’s actually more of an unventilated room with a TV, a bike, an elliptical trainer, and weight machine.  It has little to no lighting, and smells pretty terrible.  If there’s an exercise room in hell, it probably looks slightly nicer than this and at least has a water machine.  Anyway, there is pretty much no reason you would work out there (especially if you belong to like 5 other gyms) unless you are incredibly lazy or, you have something to hide.

Let’s call it the Curves effect.  Curves is a nice idea and all, but the blacked out windows and “no men allowed” policy means that at least some of the women going there are going because they really don’t want anyone to see them.  The gym at my complex is similar, and since it has very little traffic it attracts a large number of people whose bizarre and/or obsessive compulsive behavior would be noted and probably mocked at 24 hour fitness or Frogs.  A few examples:

1. Guy that wears a large fishing hat and walks on the treadmill at a pace of about 1.2 mph for 3 hours every day while reading mystery novels.

2. Obsessed with stair-stepper in an unhealthy way girl- who works for hours on the stair-stepper, all the while looking utterly miserable and watching Food Network (probably just to torture herself). Since I started living here, I personally have seen her lose about 15 pounds.

3. Crazy southern man with a bowl hair cut that is incredibly ripped and lifts weights for hours in the gym while making various screaming noises.

Now, it’s that last one that really was at the source of this post.  I don’t know what crazy southern man’s deal is, but I like to make up various back stories about him in my head while I exercise to pass the time.  He’s in the gym constantly, and he looks exactly how I would picture a serial killer to look while working out.  He wears black jeans, no shirt, and has glossy black hair in a bowl cut ala Anton Chigurh in No Country For Old Men.  He makes terrifying noises while he lifts weights and then will ask me in a quiet Southern voice if it’s okay that he wants to change the TV to FoxNews.  Occasionally a Lolita-like girl of indeterminate age (I don’t want to know what’s going on there), shows up and mocks him for a while he exercises which he largely seems to ignore.  In short, he’s completely bizarre and would never cut it at a normal gym. 

Crazy Southern Weightlifter is so weird that sometimes I have to wonder if he’s not even a real person, but instead some sort of bizarre social experiment put in the gym to amaze and confound me.  Seriously, how does someone like this exsist?  What is the deal wih the bowl cut?  Why does he scream like that?  While my gym is semi-disgusting, smelly, and dark, it does give me questions like this to ponder while I sweat, which just may make it better than all the other gyms I have at my disposal combined. 

Apparently today was Bring Your Child to Work Day.  Fortunately, this did not really seem to take place at my current work, but I guess it did at my old job at Mitchell 1 because my friend Misty told me about it during out multiple daily emails.  I have never really gotten the point of the whole exercise of bring your child to work, unless you are trying to convince them NOT to go to college and become a delinquent so they don’t have to work at a job.  First of all, if your child is at work you aren’t really going to do real work so its not particularly informative for them.  In fact, I would argue that having a child is actually an advantage for once because you basically get to goof off all day with your kid while people with no children have to do actual work.  I should ask to bring my cat to work and then play with it all day to make things even.  It’s stupid.  Second of all, why would your child want to come to your work in the first place?  Here’s what the Bring Your Child to Work Website has to say about it:

“Designed to be more than a career day, the Take Our Daughters And Sons To Work^® program goes beyond the average “shadow” an adult. Exposing girls and boys to what a parent or mentor in their lives do during the work day is important, but showing them the value of their education, helping them discover the power and possibilities associated with a balanced work and family life, providing them an opportunity to share how they envision the future and begin steps toward their end goals in a hands-on and interactive environment is key to their achieving success. Each year, development of new interactive activities and partnerships will assist us in taking girls and boys to the future they dream of.”

Yeah, because most children really dream of going to work everyday 9-5 in an office and filing things.  I’m sorry, but unless you’re an astronaut or a cowboy, your job is probably not the future your child dreams of.  It may not even be the future YOU dream of.  Dangling the possibility of having your shitty job in front of a child as a reward for working hard is sort of like offering them some stale crackers as a treat after they finish their dinner.  I don’t remember anyone ever taking me to work, but if they had I probably would have thought “holy shit, I have to go to boring school for 20 years so I can go to boring work?  No thanks, I think I’ll just drop out and rob banks instead.”

Ashley is whining, Misty emailed me towards the end of the day.  She says its boring. 

In her defense, I wrote back, it sort of is.