Arianna Georgi

In case you have not noticed, I really like lists. In fact, I tend to have about 10-20 lists going at even given time. I have a list of outfits to wear to work (in case I forget), a list of songs for fall, and a list of my favorite meals. But all of my fancy list making cannot hold a candle to the greatest List Maker ever: Christopher Bridges, AKA Ludacris.

Essentially every single Ludacris song is a list. The general structure goes like this: Ludacris makes a bold statement and then he follows up with a list to support that statement. His lists are long and mostly make sense. If I was on a high school debate team, I would choose Ludacris.

Let’s examine how this structure works in a typical Ludacris song, “Area Codes.” As mentioned above, the song starts with a central thesis: Ludacris has hoes in many area codes.

I’ve got hoes (I’ve got hoes)
In different area codes (area) area codes (codes)

Once that is established, Ludacris moves on to verify that it is true, by listing all of the area codes his hoes live in:

Whenever I call, come running
2-1-2 or 2-1-3
You know that I ball, stop frontin’

The song ends with him basically calling out a series of area codes although sadly not mine (I guess 858, lacks hoes):

9-1-6, 4-1-5, 7-0-4
Shout out to the 2-0-6
Everybody in the 8-0-8
2-1-6, 7-0-2, 4-1-4
3-1-7, 2-1-4, 2-8-1
3-3-4, 2-0-5, I see ya

Anyway, this general format is true for most Ludacris songs:
Roll Out
General Thesis: You have some nice things in your house
List Includes: A woman cooking naked in your kitchen, a bunch of cars, and some diamonds

What’s Your Fantasy
General Thesis: Ludacris will have sex with you in many different locations
List Includes: The George Dome, on stage at his concert, and in a library

Southern Hospitality
General Thesis: Ludacris likes the dirty south and things from there
List Includes: Catfish, big thighs, and Cadillacs

It’s pretty amazing how almost every single Ludacris song follows this format. Welcome to Atlanta is a list of cool things that happen in Atlanta. Move B^&*tch is a list of people really irritating Ludacris while he drives his car super fast. I could go on and on but you get the idea. Ludacris makes my grocery list for making Thanksgiving spoon bread look pretty lame. That’s okay though, I don’t mind being beaten by the best.

Tags: lists, ludacris

My friend Mr. Kenneth Berger, who once went squid fishing (this is not relevant to this story but it is one of my favorite Kenneth facts), recently tagged me in a Facebook note about books.  I don’t normally get into the Facebook note stuff, but I really liked the premise of this one, which was to name15 books in 15 minutes.  The idea was to name the 15 books that came immediately to your mind when you were asked.

I found that when I listed the books, they weren’t necessarily the ones that I thought were the best books I have ever read, but rather the ones with small moments I think about on a weekly basis.  For instance, almost every time I drink coffee, I think briefly about the scene in a Tree Grows in Brooklyn where Francie says she’ll take her coffee black, like her father.  It’s not really an important moment in the overall plot of the book, but it’s stuck with me for years and years.  Doing the book exercise I found I remembered these moments and books first.  For example:

• Peter Fallow’s Hangover in Bonfire of the Vanities:  “The membranous sac was his head, and the right side of his head was on the pillow, and the yolk was as heavy as mercury, and it rolled like mercury, and it was pressing down on his right temple and his right eye and his right ear. If he tried to get up to answer the telephone, the yolk, the mercury, the poisoned mass, would shift and roll and rupture the sac, and his brains would fall out.”

• Eva, dancing to burning Down the House while pregnant in We Need to Talk about Kevin

• Jennifer Belle’s description of a woman so cool and subtle she could change shirts in the middle of a restaurant with no one noticing in High Maintenance

• The water full of things “living and dead” and the dog sitting on the back of a cow in the hurricane seen of Their Eyes Were Watching God

• The description of IQ in Soon I will be Invincible

In writing, sometimes the quality isn’t about the big stuff, but rather the details and truths the writer gets right in every paragraph.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the big stuff and the drama…  Scarlett declaring she will never go hungry again.  But it is the small details, Mrs.  Tarelton and her horses, that I come back to again and again.  I think I come back to these moments because something in them rings true to me.  Anyone else?

A dilemma of biblical proportions faced the executives at a, scrappy and innovative little network called the WB in the summer of 2010. Their fall line-up was missing a piece. Sure, they had the amazing Vampire Diaries with it’s hunky undead. They had the new Femme Nikita, which featured a woman round-house kicking people and making young women feel inspired. But most of all, they had a little show called America’s Next Top Model. A shrine to Tyra Banks in television show form, full of models crying and then admitting they were born legless and/or molested by polar bears. What could possible follow that?

The Monday morning meeting was intense. Ideas were tossed around with abandon.

“A show about werewolves, that gossip!” one person yelled.

“Fox is already doing that,” another responded.

“A reality show about vampire trying to become models.”

“Tyra Banks would be mad.” Everyone sat silently until a cough from the back, a new and untested intern asked if he could speak.

“Why the hell not,” said the head writer, “I’m fresh out of ideas and we have nothing to lose.”

The intern stepped to the front of the room. “I have an idea,” he started. “It’s a little outside of the box, and it hasn’t been done before… EVER. It’s about cheerleaders.”

“Vampire cheerleaders?” someone asked.

“No, they are regular cheerleaders, but they do some ridiculously unrealistic jumps. Anyway, there’s a young woman named Marty. She’s studying to be a lawyer on scholarship. She’s a little rough around the edges, but street-smart and loyal, and also a former gymnast.”

“Go on,” said the head writer.

“She loses her scholarship and, get this, is forced to join the cheerleading squad to stay in school. It’s crazy because she has to room with the head cheerleader, who is very opposite of her, she’s very uptight and from a proper family.”

“Do they butt heads?!” someone asked.

“At first, but then they find they have more in common than they thought.”

“What a novel idea,” the head writer responded. “But who would play the head cheerleader.” Silence fell on the room. Everyone was thinking it. There was only one actress right for the part.

“Ashley Tisdale.”

“The Tiz,” someone else murmured.

And thus a show called Hellcats was born, possibly the greatest show every made for television and shown on a Wednesday night at 9pm with the word “cats” in the title. Every week I watch the scrappy Marty butt heads with the Tiz, but then realize the importance of female friendship. There are many other amazing elements. Dance sequences. A rich and snotty cheerleader, whose reserve sometimes hides the fact that is just as vulnerable as anyone else. Marty’s drunk mom who always messes stuff up. I could go on and on, but I have to go to work. If you haven’t already, please take some time to watch Hellcats on the WB. It’s a ground-breaking show that shatters stereotypes about cheerleaders on a weekly basis (turns out, they are athletes!). And it could only come from the WB.

Tags: Great Moments in Television, Hellcats, The Tiz, The WB

I spend a lot of time thinking about branding.  This is partly because I am really fascinated by the psychology of sales, but also just because I have way too much time on my hands.  Anyway, a while ago I read a book called “Trading Up.”  It was basically about how people will pay more for things they perceive to be “treating” themselves too.  It might be the same product as something else, but if they perceive it as a treat, they’ll pay more.  So, for instance, I might go to Starbucks and pay 5 bucks for the same coffee I could get up the street for less, but the Starbucks atmosphere, the smiling clerks, Nora Jones, and comfy couches all make me feel I am getting something special.

Anyway, all of this got me thinking about my own brand loyalties.  Of course there are the standard things I have loyalty to, my perfume brand, my shampoo, my gym, Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf lattes, etc.  But there are some other, really weird things I either have a rigid loyalty to or a disturbing lack thereof:

Strange Brand Loyalties

• Goya black beans
• Kerry Gold Irish butter
• Blue Diamond Almond milk

Strange Lack of Loyalty

• Morning news team:  any of them will do, they are all obnoxious.
• Body Wash: despite my rigid love of my shampoo
• My car:  A Honda.  Although I love it, I would really drive just about any car that runs.

Some loyalties are to be expected… your favorite beer… your brand of sneakers…  But others grow over time from sort of strange random co-dependence on products and good feelings you get from seeing them used.  Anyone else?

Tags: branding, Goya Beans, loyalty, marketing

Reasons:
1. They have horrible screaming fights like every day. It seriously sounds like Jerry Springer.
2. They watch sports at high volume all day on weekend.
3. They sweep their cat litter and hair onto my porch.
4. They have terrible taste in TV. During the weekdays they watch sitcoms I would never watch. I watch a lot of TV, but even I am snobby sometimes.
To be honest, at this point I have created an elaborate back-story for my neighbors that makes me hate them even more. She is a nurse at a local hospital- one who is rude to patients and won’t give anyone extra apple juice. I have decided this mainly because she appears to work strange hours.
He is getting his Masters in pharmacology and does a lot of online gaming. I know this is half true.
Anyway, this is sort of a cop-out entry to appease Analise, but I really do hate them.

Tags: making stuff up about people you don't know, neighbors, Stupid TV