Jan 21 2010
Unintentional Cat Toy #456
My marathon finishing blanket:
Archive for January, 2010
Jan 20 2010
AGeorgi’s Guide to NOT Getting Serial Killed
Over the weekend my friends and I took a trip to Arizona. One of things we did, in addition to drink many beers and attempt/fail many times to sing Alicia Keyes’ part in “Empire State of Mind” very loudly in the car, was take a trip to Sedona. Sedona is very beautiful, but it is also is considered to be a “spiritual vortex” which means it is totally full of weirdos. Walking down from a hill we hiked up (side note: not a good idea the day before a marathon) we were passed by a woman in full Native American dress leading a bride and groom up (side note: the bride was not even wearing tennis shoes). We were also accosted by several young men who tried to ask if we “felt the energy man.”
We went to get coffee in town and ended up at what was the world’s creepiest strip mall. A young girl on a bike circled the coffee store endlessly, saying each time she passed us “catch me if you can.” An old woman came rushing out of a restaurant and then stood on the sidewalk. When we passed, she stopped us and said, “I don’t know how to get back in…. they just told me everyone was outside and so I came, and now I can’t get back.” Everything was adding up but luckily I watch a ton of movies so I saw the very clear writing on the wall. We were definitely about to be serial killed/trapped in some sort of bizzaro-world for all eternity. I got us the hell out of Sedona (and I am pretty sure I did so right before we were scheduled to hit an old vagrant in a rain coat and then all make a pact to never speak of it again until next summer).
Since you may not have friends as awesome as me, I decided to put a list up, for the public good so everyone knows what to watch out for to avoid being serial killed/trapped in a vortex. They are the Three Cs of Serial Killing Danger. Enjoy and BEWARE!
1. Creepy children: You can tell creepy children from regular children because they are creepy. They are most likely pale, although if your car has broken down in the middle of nowhere and you are about to be serial killed by mutant hillbillies, they may might be tan. The say creepy things like “you shouldn’t have come here” or even just “play with me.” They are also sometimes ghosts. Creepy children are a good early warning sign that serial killing may occur. If you see one, get the heck out.
2. Cabins: Cabins can be fun and just the mere presence of a cabin doesn’t always indicate you will be serial killed. Unfortunately, 99% of the time it does. And if you are headed to a cabin for the weekend in the middle of the woods with a bunch of your young promiscuous friends it definitely does. Beware anyone that suggests a weekend to a cabin and if you do end up going to one, do not, for any reason, allow anyone in your car to utter anything like “this is going to be a weekend we’ll never forget.”
3. Car Trouble: You don’t necessarily have to worry every time you get a flat tire, but if this flat tire occurs when you are in the middle of nowhere, or during a lightning storm, or just after you have had an encounter with a creepy child it’s bad news. Pretty much when you get out your car you are very likely to have something either jump out of the woods at you or attack you. Even if you manage to get the tire fixed, you are very likely to get back in your car and start it up only to have someone in your backseat. There’s not much I can tell you that can save you in this situation.
