I like going to Spin Class, and by like I mean sort of hate but go anyway because it feels like a pretty good workout and people seem to be overly impressed by it. In Spin Class you control the knob and so it is only really as tough as you make it. But whenever I tell someone about going to Spin Class twice a week they make some statement to the effect of “oh sweet Jesus, I can’t believe you’re that tough” so I keep telling them about it and pretending like I am. I consider myself somewhat of a Spin Class coinsurer. I went to Spin Class at my old gym. I go to Spin Class at my new gym. I went to Spin Class when I took a cruise to Alaska and I was out in the middle of the ocean. And right now I am in Park City and I’ve been going to Spin Class here too. Despite making me sort of an expert on Spin Classes (and a total Spin Class snob), all of this experience has shown me something. Spin Class is EXACTLY the same wherever you go. Seriously, I bet you could go to a Spin Class in the Amazon forest and it would be run by a fit, but not necessarily enviable person with ankle tattoos. If mankind ever sets up a colony on the moon I can almost guarantee that Spin Class there will have the same ten people, and the same techo music. Spin Class is universal, and in case you have never been, here’s a brief overview of what to expect.
Universal Spin Class Truth 1: There will be one really creepy older guy in the class taking the whole thing way too seriously
This guy will sit in the front. He has his own clip in bike shoes and will wear very tight bike shorts. He will make terrifying grunting noises and sweat (even more than I do if that’s possible). Even when the instructor tells everyone to take a break, he’ll keep standing up and pedaling as though he’s competing in the Tour de France. He is will have a Livestrong bracelet. This guy or a version of him has been in EVERY spin class I have ever attended. He puts the rest of us to shame.
Universal Spin Class Truth 2: At some point, the instructor will play Coldplay’s Speed of Sound
It will probably occur during the cool down section, but if it’s the techno version it may happen on the last hill. The constant playing of this song while I am physically exerting myself now causes an almost Pavilion response that just hear the first few bars of that damn piano makes me start sweating. I think Coldplay may have a secret pact with Spin Class instructors everywhere that they have to play their song. It doesn’t really belong in a spin class, which usually features techno versions of Christina Aguillera songs so it must be a conspiracy.
Universal Spin Class Truth 3: There will be one very out of shape woman who doesn’t really understand the concept of spin and spends the first ten minutes struggling to peddle with the bike set way too hard
This poor lady. She probably read about how awesome Spin Class is in her Women’s Health magazine. She’s got the bike shorts. She’s ready to go. She shows up in class and completely misses the idea of “cadence.” When the instructor says you should turn it up a notch she turns it up all the way so that even creepy older guy would have a hard time turning the wheels. Her face turns red and she struggles to push her way up what is the equivalent of spin Everest. After burning herself out in the first ten minutes she spends the rest of the class sitting when we are all supposed to be standing and looking exhausted.
Universal Spin Class Truth 4: The instructor will tell you to relax your shoulders
She just will. If you are like me, and don’t take criticism well you should run over this exchange in your head so you don’t react violently to her advice.
Universal Spin Class Truth 5: An incredibly fit woman will show up and make some comment about she just had twins a month ago so she hopes she can “keep up”
She will then take off her top and spin in a sports bra putting you to shame with her incredible toned abs. She will smile the entire time and clap when the instructor says motivational things. She won’t sweat so much as she will glow. Sometimes when the class is going on, her unreasonably handsome husband will show up at the door holding a baby and with a toddler in tow. The toddler will wave enthusiastically and so will the fit woman. It is okay to hate her.
This image is from http://www.ultimatefit.net/images/spin_pic.jpg. I think pretty much every person I mentioned in my article is pictured here.
Tags: Coldplay, exercise, spin class, universal truths
