Arianna Georgi

 I really shouldn’t be allowed to write a blog about pet psychics.  I mean seriously, what else is there to say/make fun of/comment on the ridiculousness of?   It is possible that every joke there is to be made about pet psychics has already been said, and if not, that dog whisperer guy, although he seems nice enough, is sort of a walking joke so he can cover the rest.  Writing about Pet Psychic is like blogging about how annoying  Sarah Palin is, or how funny that dramatic Prairie Dog video is.  It has already been done… (but I am going to do it anyway).

The thing about pet psychics is that I thought they were only on TV, until the other day when I went to Pet People to get my cat some cat stuff.  Pet People has a bulletin board and on were about 10 different fliers for pet psychics all promising things like “I will use pictures of your pet and speak to spirit guides to help you solve your behavioral problems” but also all with disclaimers like “I cannot guarantee your pet will stop destroying your shoes.”  The number of local psychics was astounding again, when I came home and did an internet search.  I found this UT article about pet psychics, where the woman (who insists on calling herself an animal communicator, because a psychic “sees the future” and a communicator “looks into the animal’s heart”) states that she communicates with animals through invisible airwaves.  I also found a website of a local psychic who says that after a session “Your mutual understanding will be increased, as will your awareness of his or her (the pet’s) emotional and physical concerns.” 

I really can’t say that I find animal communicators or pet psychics that bad.  I think for the most part, most people spend far too little time thinking about the feelings of any animal, let alone their pets.  If we start thinking of animals more as little beings with feelings than it could only be good for animals overall (that was my annoying animal rights moment, don’t worry I am done).  But, that said, there is still something a little tiny bit silly about the whole thing.  Or so I thought until I saw that the woman above charges 195 bucks for 90 minutes.  195!  With the economy falling apart and unemployment up I think it might be worthwhile to peruse a career in animal communication.   I don’t think there’s an actual school you go to, according to these bios you just have to practice with your animals a lot.  I began practice last night, videotaping some of Charlie’s more mysterious behavior.  Here’s what I have so far.  If you like it, I will do my psychic readings for your poet for 185 dollars/90 minutes.  How’s that for a deal???

Behavior One: Frantically Scratching The Scratching Post for About 5 Seconds and Then Becoming Completely Disinterested. 

Psychic Comments:  Charlie is trying to demonstrate his strength and power.  In his last life, he was a Mongolian Warlord who destroyed villages so being a cat is kind of a blow to his ego.  The frantic scratching and destruction of the cat toy should prove that he is still strong and terrifying to you.  Reassure him, by praising his claws and telling him how awesome he is. 

Behavior Two:  Staring at his Cube Toys for About 5 Seconds and Then Becoming Completely Disinterested

Psychic Comments:  In another past life, Charlie was a nomad.  Theoretically, he is always seeking his “home.”  The cubes are a false home for him and although he examines them carefully, hoping that he can finally end his travels, they are inferior.  Buy him new cubes.

Behavior Three: Charlie stares at me for a few seconds… then leaves

Psychic Interpretation: Even the cat thinks you are an idiot.

Tags: Cats, Charlie, Pet Psychics

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