Arianna Georgi

This afternoon over here at work was looking pretty dull until about 10 minutes ago.  I had already watched this week’s episode of Pushing Daises on the ABC mini-player (which I am pretty sure was exclusively invented for people watching TV at work) and I had checked the weather for the weekend for about the 20th time in a row (which is boring in and of itself since I live in Southern California where “73 degrees and Sunny” could accurately describe the weather for the next 20 years).  Also, CNN.com didn’t have any headlines involving kittens saving their owners lives, sex scandals, or how chocolate can make you thin (just boring political stuff).

Fortunately, the afternoon became suddenly interesting when Maria our HR lady, who I share an office with, received a memo that we are officially NOT allowed to bring guns to work.  Now, for a long time I had wondered about whether or not my place of business would appreciate me bringing a loaded weapon in, but thanks to this memo I finally, definitively know!  Here’s what it has to say:

“Pursuant to the terms of your Lease, the landlord reserves the right to adopt rules and regulations for the office project as it deems reasonable and appropriate from time to time.”

Nice start, anti-work guns letter!  I like the fact that this letter refers to my office building as a project (that makes it sound way more high-tech, like I work for some sort of top secret spy center instead of in the basement of a building across from UTC).  Also, I like the awesome legal language. ”Pursuant” is a word I need to use more often.

“In order to enhance the safety and well-being of tenants and other occupants, it is important that firearms not be brought into the project.  Even unloaded weapons may, if observed, create the appearance of a threat and result in police intervention.  Accordingly, the following requirement shall henceforth be in effect and is adopted as a new rule in accordance with your Lease:”

Up until this point when I was first reading it I was thinking this letter was going to let me know about some new rule like “no parking in the firelanes” or something to do with window cleaning.  The weapons thing was sort of surprise.  Also surprising: the fact that this is a “new rule.”  In addition, I like that the letter goes the extra mile to let me know that it means all kinds of weapons (even unloaded ones).  This would seem to serve to prevent the following (inevitable) future conversation:

“You’re fired!  You brought a gun to work and waved it around!”

“But it was unloaded!  I thought that would be okay.”

“It created the appearance of a threat!”

I am sure there are some contexts in which people carrying a gun aren’t trying to create the “appearance of a threat” but I would think in the workplace is not one of them.

“Neither Tenant nor its employees, agents, contractors, invitees, or licensees shall bring any firearm, whether loaded or unloaded, into the Project at any time.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation.”

So that’s the new rule, in bold no less!  NOBODY (even if your dad comes to take you out to lunch) can bring ANY (loaded or otherwise) weapons to work.  Although this letter is pretty funny, it’s also pretty disturbing.  In my experience, people don’t generally make rules this obvious unless someone breaks them.  For instance, I am pretty sure someone assumed common sense would tell someone “Do not drive with sunshade up” until someone did it and sued the sunshade company (resulting in me having to shake my head is disbelief every time I put it up in my car).  What necessitated us having a “Don’t bring guns to work” rule? 

Anyway, it’s scary/hillarious stuff to ponder for the next 40 minutes until I leave.